But Why, O Why, Gen-XYZ-ers, is it thus? Oh Well. Keep those responses coming in. Because if I had come from a healthy, functioning family, I'd know Exactly What To Do now. Based on some of the responses to my "attend this wedding; send gifts/money" post, some answerers have had proper etiquette genetically encoded into their DNA; their good breeding, refined taste, and overall happiness and positive mental health does shine through... ;o
Now that I know a little more about what I must do to preserve family peace, harmony, and zen-like happiness, *and* since my older-dude hippie-dippie husband refuses to go to any dress-up family events at all, would it be appropriate for me to suggest an alt.wedding guest to attend this wedding with me in his place?
If Good Taste dictates that I must attend stag (read: Cougar) I will certainly do so. However, if I can bring an alt.wedding guest, I'd really like to bring a good friend of mine. She's also an old friend of my former SIL's. She'd really liven things up, at least for me. She'd also help keep me from projectile vomiting all over the $1200 cake and any "I'm-all-that-yet-have-40k-in-cc-debt" types I might encounter.
If this is even remotely acceptable etiquette, would I ask bride (my niece); her future MIL (the true "hostess" of this fete; and a truly lovely person), or my former SIL (with whom I have the longest-lasting relationship; we were childhood friends).
Remember, any and all feedback is appreciated. Even the shrill, hateful, fishmonger's wife-type advice on what constitutes "proper etiquette," as found in the "attend this wedding or send gifts/money" post. *Most* helpful and informative, girls.... ;o
I don't agree with thousands and thousands upon thousands dollar weddings; however, it is each to their own. If that is how they want to spend, then let them. Not your money nor time into it.
If you ever get that amount and put it down on a nice house, just simply say you rather spend it on a home of a life time than just on one day's event.
Just call and ask if you can bring someone else instead. Worst they can say "no" and then you can choose what you would like to do from there (Go or not go).
Sometimes not going to events you don't agree about is the best option.
There are too many people on here who cant take an etiquette hint, so yes we tend to be quite harsh and unladylike when dispensing our fountains of etiquette wisdom.
I think the best thing to do would be contact the host since it seems you know her well, and just say your husband is unable to attend, would it be ok to bring a friend as your date? Or you could ask the bride, but it sounds like you like the host more so just speak to her directly.
First I have to thank you for a truly enjoyable read!
I see no reason why you would not be able to attend with your friend. I would contact either of the parties you mentioned and let them know of your choice. The main reason being so that when you arrive at the reception and it is assigned seating your friend does not have to pretend to be the hippie-dippie old dude, she'll have her own card.
I have to admit this post made me laugh. I have to agree with you mostly. I personally would not spend that much on a wedding let alone go into debt for one. However its her choice so I guess I say be happy for her. If the whole thing annoys you simply don't go and send whatever gift you wish to or can afford. I don't torture myself if I know I'm going to be annoyed with something because I'm usually in a bad mood and it shows. If you are and can he happy about going then yes go. If your invite was addressed to you and a guest then you should bring a fun date with you even if it isn't your hubby.
I think I missed your previous post, but you have inspired me to go looking for it. Under your inspired prose I sense the presence of some fairly solid good breeding of your own -- because over-the-top gratuitous display of materialism is indeed ill-bred and in bad taste. You charm me, and have won my sympathy.
Alas, I also have proper etiquette genetically encoded in my DNA and cannot give you free blessing in asking to bring a different guest. Dear Miss Post (and Mr Routledge, Miss Frost, et al) would say that since you are married if your husband cannot attend, you should decline also. Does that conflict with the previous advice you received? If so, I doubly regret not having seen your previous post. The best you can do, is ask who else is attending "Cougar", and try to identify a kindred spirit from among your kin and connections. And then connect with that person during the wedding. Or, entertain yourself with some project such as trying to meet as many fellow-guests as possible and mentally categorize them as "real" or "plastic".
You know, as someone 3 weeks from her big money draining day, I just want to point out that I also thought it was ridiculous to spend all this money on a wedding, to not allow single people to bring dates, and to get huffy if someone asked to sub dates.
My perspective has really changed.
My mom almost died of cancer this year, and my non-close family suddenly got in touch. My fiances father is terminally ill with cancer. We have spent a lot of time talking about the kind of people we want to be, the kind of family we want to have. This wedding kick starts all that, gives our families a chance to reconnect, and let's us celebrate life.
That said, we are keeping it to a simple BBQ in a public park, and I am wearing a prom dress- and its 24K right now and climbing. I can't say I'd rather buy a house than go to this one fantastic party and see our families unite. I will rent another five years just for this.
Still, it's a small list, and we regrettably can't afford to invite everyone. It's too special a night for me to want to share with random strangers. I don't want people subbing guests- I want them to bring who was invited, a. bc it's polite and b. bc that is who I wanted to see and share the event with.
Everyone forgets about the couple these days- it's just so hip to snub the whole thing, act like it's an inconvenience, and try to guarantee your own good time. Trust the bride and groom have been working their tail off to do that for you, and go and celebrate *them." It's just another night on your calendar but its the story they are going to be telling for the rest of their lives- just keep some perspective.
Well, I answered your last question and gave my two cents, but guess my suggestion was overruled.
I agree with you .... these "weddings" are overboard. I have two nieces, one getting married in one month and the other getting married in two months. The first bride to be is having a modest wedding, she and her future husband have bought a house. The second bride to be is having a no holds barred, over the top, outlandish extravaganza, and she and her husband to be have lived together for 7 years in a rented aged double wide mobile home .... plus they have registered at two places, one being Wal Mart with 21 pages of stuff, the other Target with 19 pages of stuff and nowhere on those lists have they picked out a single plate and glass, my brother gave them $1,000 as a wedding gift and they immediately made reservations for some resort in Mexico for their honeymoon -- and he isn't even invited to the wedding. It's silly. Sorry for my rant, but guess you can see that I agree with you.
So, sure -- why not take another "date" to the wedding? At least now your mother won't try to use guilt trips on you for not attending! LOL!
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