See my husband and she own a property together that still has a mortgage on it and the way we found out about the debt was when we received papers letting us know that there was going to be a lean on the property! Well right as she was about to leave she decided, more like we made her call a debt consolidator that reduced the amount and put her on a payment schedule. Well she has no money so we had to pay the first month while she found a job. Which she found and kept for 3 weeks and we just found out yesterday that she decided just not to go in anymore. We have an 18mo old that starts preschool next year, a mortgage, bills, we need a new car, and we just don't have the extra $600 dollar's a month to pay her debt. Her easy quick fix is to refinance the property. Yeah ok it takes money to refinance and the property is like at a 5% fixed and will be paid off in like 7 years so why in the world should we refi?! She sleeps all day long instead of looking for a job.
I know she's sick but I am tired and the moment she starts to act up she pulls the I'm going to kill myself cause you all don't understand. Am I wrong for just not caring anymore? She cries at the drop of a hat and takes no personal responsibility for herself. Am I wrong for just plain old hating her at this point? It’s like because she know that we are bound both by law and finance that she has to do nothing cause we have to. It’s like we are being punished for being a tad bit more mentally healthy. Should I feel pity, remorse…something for her, for what she has done to my family?
Just because she's mentally ill doesn't mean you're obligated to take care of her. You have your own life to watch out for, and there's a line between supporting your family and letting them drag you down.
Listen to the ones who said you should have a talk with her, stop supporting her financially, and talk to a professional about removing her impact on your husband's mortgage. She won't realize that she's unable to stand on her own if you keep carrying her. The best thing is probably to withdraw your support, let her fall and hit bottom, and then when she starts getting help for her disorder, begin giving reasonable assistance again. **NEVER AT ANY POINT WITHDRAW YOUR LOVE AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.** Just financial.
You and your husband should see a psychologist yourselves, explain the situation, and ask a professional opinion on how to deal with her.
she need to clean up her on debt.
as long as your family keep paying her bills she will keep doing this.
i would take her money , who is over it. is she mental ill. you can go to her doctor and get paper's say that she can not care for her self.
but if there is nothing wrong with her , i would take her to court and make her pay back. and tell her to get a life
I have a question:Can't you and your husband take over guardianship or something?This way for legal matters you two have the final say over hers.A person has to incompetent to be able to qualify.Possisbly take her case to court and see if she can be rediagnosed,get her on some meds or something..Get SSI...The SSI may help to cover the additional $600 for her share.I am not sure what the rates are in CA or legal matters about that. Possibly,find her place in CA that deals with her diagnosis.One option I know is out there is Devereux in Santa Barbra.I think the rate per der is pretty expensive but they will take good care of her as I was in the Victoria,TX Devereux and made well progress.I am in the process of getting my name on the list for group homes at Devereux.Talk to your husband and see what he thinks.I know it is hard to live with a Bipolar.I live with my parents only recieving SSI no job and sometimes they get really tired of me but I have seen worse cases than mine.I can tell you that your sister in law needs help and if you'd like any more assistance of looking into possible placements I can help you so just email me.Remember I can give advice but you may want to get other opinions from the state as well.
Its time to get p!ssed off
Your sister in law will not fix herself until she HAS to
as long as family memebers remain there as a crutch
and continue to clean up after her financially
she has no reason to want to tackle her illness
You clearly have enough on your own plate without having to worry about someone who won't help themselves.
I have Borderline which has some similar symtoms of Bipolar. As other people have said if she isn't willing to at least TRY to help herself, there isn't much you can do. You need to talk to someone as well & understand she IS sick & probably doesn't realize what she's doing to hurt your family. In this economy good luck finding a job also. Also being more mentally healthy doesn't make you a better person.
It's very hard to deal with a mentally ill loved one when they won't get help. If your sister refuses to get counseling and take medication for her illness then there is very little you can do to help her.
Only when she comes to the conclusion that she wants to get help will she change.
I understand that you are frustrated by her behavior and would think no worse of you if you cut her off. The most important thing is you don't do a thing to encourage her behavior. By lending her money you are enabling her to continue to live this way, and she will not come to the realization that she needs help if you take care of her.
Mina is right. Your sister-in-law will not get help until she decides she needs help. She needs to come to that realization on her own.
For your own sanity, I think it's time you and your husband have a tough but crucial conversation with your sister-in-law. The hard part is having that conversation without sounding judgmental and without everyone getting defensive. But, it sounds like it is time for your sister-in-law to understand that you will be there for her emotionally but can no longer afford to be there for her financially.
As for the shared property, I would recommend consulting a financial counselor who can help with that situation. Can you afford to buy out your sister-in-law's share of the property so that you are no longer tied financially?
Because she isn't suffering, right? It's not difficult having a mental disorder - bipolar. I know someone that killed himself. His ex pushed him over the edge because she wasn't understanding at all or certainly not enough.
It's too bad that you can't walk a mile in her shoes.
I'm mildly dyslexic and I can tell you that it's difficult because society was not made for me. I have to adjust and it's a struggle. I'm talentless. What do you think that does to a person's self esteem?
It's not so easy just to get help. Psych drugs are tough. It takes 4 weeks for them to work if they will work. They have side effects. If it doesn't work then you have to wean off possibly and try something else. It can be a long process.
It's tough for you but be thankful that it's not you going through this.
It's going to be tough.
Any punishment you get is nothing compared to what she is going through.
Is she alone?
0 ความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น