2 days ago, I told him how I felt, I opened up and got all teary eyed yet he still did not hesitate to say, "we need to wait and see how our economical situation goes, now that we have more monthly expenses..." I feel like if he is loving his life as it is and does not love me enough to want to have a family together. One more thing, in the 3 years together, he has said he wanted a family with me, when of course I WOULD ASK AND WOULD BRING UP THE SUBJECT and his excuse before was... "let's wait until we buy the house so that you can commute less and be close to work". BTW, last time we got pregnant, we didn't plan it, it was right after him and I got into a huge fight and separated for 2 weeks, when we kissed and made up, we got really wild and TADAHHHH, weeks later I found out I was pregnant... Am I missing something???? Anyone in the same situation?? Please advice....
It just sounds like to me that he's full of excuses and is content with the children he already has.
Being that your husband is 35 years old and already has 3 kids, I can see where he wouldn't want more children. Perhaps this is a decision he just came to realize, and you need to respect and accept it.
Perhaps it is the economy he is worried about...things are tough out there...and if you did have a child...assuming you would be a stay at home mom...can you afford all of your luxuries if you had no income???
Sounds to me like he's telling you his concerns. He is worried about financially being able to provide for the child and you - that's typically the role a man takes i na relationship... being the provider - so it makes sense that it would be what he's concerned about.
At the same time, you can not control the future - tomorrow could be worse than today, and next year worse than this one... waiting for the economy to settle out may be a while... and you seem to one this now! Do you have a savings account? Something that if for example he were to loose his job... you can fall back on something else for a few month?!? I would start there, and really build that up and then talk to him again. I would addres his concerns - since they are the ones holding you back - and for every reason work out a solution - and set a timeline for having a baby!
I think your husband doesn't want any more kids. Of course we get just your side of the story and what you said. I noticed you said you got into a huge fight and that is why you got pregnant (sorry you miscarried). If you separated for 2 weeks, it seems to me your marriage may have some problems. That being said, it can also be that your husband is not completely sure about this relationship. Since I do not know if you have a lot of marriage problems, you will be the one to know if this may be a reason. No matter what I think you should talk to him straight about it. You are very young and can start again. If he doesn't want a kid and you do, perhaps you are not lookingthe same things in life. Good luck!! =)
You have to see where he's coming from too. I mean he already has three kids. Honestly you two are in different stages in life. You want kids and want to be a mom and he's been doing the 'daddy thing' for a while now. And when he talks about expenses he is right. He's thinking long term. He will want to send those three girls to college and he spends more on them then just child support I'm sure.
Marriage is about compromise. He has kids, you want kids. You both have to work it out and be rational. You can certainly let him know how you feel but getting all 'teary eyed' and trying to guilt him into it is the wrong way to go about things. You can't be pushy and he needs to be more understanding.
I'm sorry - did you not discuss this before you got married? Clearly you two have a disconnect here.
When you marry someone who's 35 and already has 3 girls, I would suspect he has finished having his children and likely wouldn't want more. HOW could you not think to discuss this?
DO NOT get pregnant on purpose! Your choices are either do not have children with him or divorce him. Forcing him to have children with you will fail, I promise.
"I feel like if he is loving his life as it is and does not love me enough to want to have a family together"
How selfish are you? The economy is really bad right now. Your husband has every right to be concerned. Just relax already & when your husband is ready, he'll tell you. Pressure him & it will only end up hurting you.
My husband has 2 girls from a previous marriage and in the beginning of our marriage he acted the same way. He was negative and made comments that made me think he didn't want one. Even though we had agreed before the marriage that we would have a child he still acted like he didn't really want one. I had to explain to him that his negative remarks about a child with me was making me feel negative toward his current children. He soon changed the way he acted. Sad to say that but it's true.
I married a man with two children whom I adore. We discussed at length before we were married whether or not we wanted to add another child. We came to our decision not to mutually, and it has proved right for all of us. Not to have had that conversation would have been completely nuts! Your husband already has to provide (and I am not just talking about money, I am talking about love, time & attention) for three children. In most people's book that is plenty, as it obviously is in his.
Crap women! Don't you read the news? Don't you even CLUE into how this country is falling on its knees?
Anyone is just STUPID to add another mouth to feed at this current economic state.
Having kids has NOTHING to do with loving your spouse, it is about RAISING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IN A COMFORTABLE ENVIRONMENT!
In all honesty, you both don't make much of an income.
I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down a little. You have valid points but at the same time I believe you are being a bit dramatic. Just because he doesn't want the same thing as you doesn't have anything to do with love or his commitment to you. You need to be realistic and understand that you two are at different stages in life, and if you are having doubts the last thing you need to do is bring a baby into it. I understand that you are ready to be a mother but you are young and there is no need to rush when there is so much uncertainty in your life right now.
With everything going on, he also has valid concerns about having more children. First, you need to find out for sure whether he wants another child. This is only a "yes" or "no" proposition. If his answer is no, then you need to decide whether to continue with him or not.
If "yes" then you two need to establish a plan, including a budget and timeline. It's not fair of you to blame him for anything simply for not wanting a child right now; but at the same time it's unfair to string you along like this because there is no telling how long you could be waiting, who knows when he'll "feel" like having another.
Ma'am, I am sorry that you had a miscarriage. Your husband obviously does not want anymore children. He is making every excuse in the book to prevent that from happening. I think that is a selfish, selfish, selfish act. Yes he has three children, but nothing can be more special than having a child with the person you love.
He either fails to understand this, or he, as you say, is set in his own ways, which makes him selfish. He does not respect you enough to tell you to your face that he does not want a child. "economical situation" is such a lame excuse, it is like that saying.... when hell freezes over...If I were you, I would seriously consider moving on, though at this point I know it is hard.
I am sorry for your trouble and wish you the best of luck.....
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