Right now he is stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy and not ok.
his girlfriend keeps him from seeing his girls as often as he would
like, makes it hard for him because he has supervised visitation,
which is done at my house. He has an open invitation to be here as
much as he wants, whenever he wants, for as long as he wants. If he
comes over though his girlfriend gets pissed at him. he said he feels
like a housekeeper and a babysitter, and she is constantly threatening
to kick him out. His child support payments make his take home pay
very low so with only one job he does not have enough money to pay for
his own apt.
He has decided that the only way out is to pack up and move to Ohio
with his old friend and HUGE drinker Mikey. This is NOT his only
option, I have told him he can petition to get his child support
payments lowered, he can get another job and move into an efficiency
apt. He is dyslexic and has a seizure disorder as well, this makes
things like bill paying and budgeting very hard for him. But it CAN
be done with a little hard work and preserverance on his part, and a
lot of help from family on ours. I am willing to help, his parents
and sisters are willing to help, but he has decided that Ohio is the
only way to go, and that means abandoning his girls for an alcoholic
lifestyle, I know this will happen to him in Ohio, our friend Mikey
wakes up to hard liquor every morning.
The thing is he needs my help to find Mikeys phone number, he is on
Myspace and I could easily get in touch with him but I am unwilling to
do so. Should I just say,
"I am not helping you find the number that is going to take you away
from your kids and dump you into the lap of an alcoholic who is far
away when there are options for you here in this town that could get
you out of this situation and into a healthy living environment for
yourself. If you want to find him you will have to do it on your own
without my help OR my internet and computer."
Or should I just find him the number and let him do what he will?
I am torn, my kids will be heartbroken and it is killing me.
I would say
"I am not helping you find the number that is going to take you away
from your kids and dump you into the lap of an alcoholic who is far
away when there are options for you here in this town that could get
you out of this situation and into a healthy living environment for
yourself. If you want to find him you will have to do it on your own
without my help OR my internet and computer."
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. If thats how he's going to behave, your girls are probably better off without him :/
I wouldn't help him find the number. Why be an enabler at this point?
i don't think you owe your ex any sort of investigative work at all. you are doing more than enough raising his kids and overcompensating for his failures - don't let your conscience bother you at all.
I would take the first, he needs to help himself and it may take
hitting rock bottom to see this...
You have done everything you can to help, he needs to pull his head out
and stop his alcoholic way of thinking. Have you tried a support group with families of alcoholics? They don't think like sober people...
if your willing to let him over whenever he wants and as long as he wants why are you not still together? Come right out and ask him what about our kids? Don't they deserve to be with their dad? Let him know that you will not be letting the girls travel that far to see him and its not right to choose his feelings over theirs. go get the petition papers for him and fill most of it out for him, let him know your willing to help in the support department and you have no problem with him paying a lower amount. He can go stay with his parents or sisters for a while and save some money for his own place, let him know that his girls love him more than anything and he would break their heart if he up and moved. let him know that this friend is not a good option to move with, knowing he has a drinking problem and your husband has overcomes his. you don't want your children around that so-called friend.
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